Relapsed (not art)

Author

deadlyexistence23

❝ And maybe, for a while that was true ❞
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I'm so brain dead rn, but I wanna let it out
Tw: briefly mentioned sh

Honestly idk why I'm doing this, I thought I'm doing pretty well, I'm pretty good socially, i get along with everyone, I get good grades yadah, I'm really one of those chill ppl that just goes with the flow and spread good energy (I love being positive LMAO)
But as soon as I'm on my way back home I get this undescribable feeling that churns my stomach... I basically turn into this hallow empty shell as soon as I get back home. The difference in my personality is so drastic I wouldn't be surprised if people mistook me with someone else. Due to that, I feel like the 'me' during the day is fake...no, actually is the 'me' in this current time truly me? Like which one is the real me? Actually, Who tf am I LMAO. Ik both r me to some degree but all this thinking is making my dead brain hurts.

Idc anymore, I need to buy new blades tho bc the box cutter is too dull for my taste. Idk idk idk. I really don't know anymore. What's the point of doing this, to feel something? Maybe yeah. I need to buy new bracelets too, my old bracelets broke :/// anyways it gives me good style

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Comments

    1. seemanta Sep 20, 2023
      I understand the two-faced thingy cause I'm the same. I'm a rather happy and social person outside but when I'm at home, I feel very pessimistic and gloomy. I used to feel like a fake outside too but I've come to accept that I might just have two distinctly different character traits at the same time. Both are real me. Again, my home is toxic so it'd be weird if I felt happy there.

      Also, please don't cut yourself. It's probably useless to tell you, so at least do what the other person said, don't do things that leave scars. I used to suffocate myself in a bucket of water untill I couldn't hold my breath anymore. Not in a bathtub cause that's way too risky.
    2. Ahodesuga Sep 19, 2023
      Could be that the environment home drains you from your positivity. I'm sorry to hear that and I really hope you find a solution to this one day soon.:notlikemeow:
    3. Bad Storm Sep 19, 2023
      *lots of hugs*
      I'll write something when I'm conscious enough for now just hugs
    4. my opinion is irrelevant Sep 19, 2023
      or you could be putting on a front in your social settings. idk. i couldn't really glean much from your post. also don't take what i said seriously. i'm not a mental health professional, just someone with mental health problems lmao.
      Ahodesuga likes this.
    5. my opinion is irrelevant Sep 19, 2023
      two things can be true at the same time and i think both of your 'personalities' are valid expressions of yourself. you just have lapses in your depression, where that sinking feeling kinda overtakes you and leaves you completely unrecognisable.
      seemanta and Ahodesuga like this.
    6. my opinion is irrelevant Sep 19, 2023
      i wish i could tell you that everything will be alright, but that would just be an empty promise. you're amazing and deserving of love and i hope you feel better someday.
      you should do something else that elicits pain. i used to cut myself frequently but i managed to stop, and it's been 1 year since i've picked up a pair of scissors. i resorted to other things like pinching myself, biting my gums, pulling rubber bands and hitting them against my skin. those methods aren't really any better (because you're still hurting yourself at the end of the day), but they won't leave lasting scars and they can kinda ease you into not cutting yourself. i know it's addictive, but it's incredibly destructive.
      seemanta and Ahodesuga like this.
    7. deadlyexistence23 Sep 18, 2023
      I have a lot of unposted art in here, I'll post it soon guys:meowpuffytears: forgib me from being inactive (I'm actually always on nuf I just lurk)
    8. deadlyexistence23 Sep 18, 2023
      [​IMG]
      9. Page 1 of 2
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