Spoiler Cry, Even Better if you Beg

Yes, I see the similarities between Jay Gatsby and Matthias that you pointed out. Jay Gatsby had the illusion that his wealth and success would recapture Daisy's love. Matthias had the illusion that a mistress = happiness/love and Layla will be happy as a bird in Arivs. The illusion was that Layla was never caged but always a free bird. The difference with the stories is that Matthias accepts his illusion while Gatsby can't let go of the illusion.

Thank you for the clarification.

 

Thank you for saying this! Totally agree. Solche is indeed a blessed writer. I personally like COBYB and Bastian, her amazing works!

Agree. Though we may not agree, respecting others is a basic thing we can do. Lets spread kindness. We all are real people behind the screen And meeting fellow readers and sharing opinions about the novel has been really fun for me. I hope to continue this discussion in a healthy manner.

Dear Admin, big thanks for helping us to erase confusion! I recognised that you have helped recovering things from the recent vandalism. Thank you for that. You restored my faith in NU

 

Ah, really do you also see the similarities?

The Great Gatsby also represents human desires and a pipe dreams, moreover showcases that the happiness and fulfillment was just the mask of emptiness. Jay always idealized Daisy and thought all he needed was her. Their love wasn’t unrequited but was impossible due to societal expectations and Daisy’s marriage.
As you mentioned Great Gatsby was just illusion which was created for getting back Daisy.

Cry or Better Yet Beg has a similar vibe. Matthias was under the illusion that Layla was his. His perfect duke image was just a mask for his loneliness. All Matthias desired the most was Layla alone. His dreams were connected with Layla. Layla’s status as a mistress created the mirage for Matthias that she was truly his and that they were bounded. Matthias thought that giving gifts, spending time together, would bring Layla happiness, consequently fulfilling his own boring life. Both protagonists created an illusion for themselves and continued living in a mirage that was unreal.

Thank you for your clarification post
We really needed this information which can prove that none of us had deleted other members’ efforts. Thank you one more time

 

What a nicely written post! I agree, he idealised Layla at a certain point. He dreamed of a life with her though knowing its 'impossible' due to the difference in status. You could actually see, his thought move back and forth after the deal.

At one day he would think "Yes this is a fair deal." he felt assured. And then the next day he would be scared thinking Layla would leave. He never truly felt secured in the relationship he had with Layla. That's why the scene of his imagination in Chapter 112 "What If" is really powerful

"He wished that he could have had a life like that with Layla, if only it were possible."
"He knew that ultimately none of what he had imagined was possible."

The mirage of his dream got broken. He didn't have the power to face the imagination crumbled, hence he continued to seek Layla to find out "What is inside your heart? Was all of that lies?"

 

Doesn’t this prove that he lived in his dreams? Matthias created an illusion of happiness by obtaining what he desired the most.

In chapter.106
Matthias said: “Layla…Layla Llewellyn…My Layla…
You’re mine Layla”

And chapter.115
“Layla….My Layla….Were you ever really mine?”

Chapter.117
“…becoming lovers was just a ruse she had devised in order to exact her revenge on him, then that meant that she had never really been his.”

Hence, after his illusion had shattered, Matthias realized that it was never real. It was merely a pipe dream that he had been living continuously reminding himself that Layla was truly his.

Personally, I think that Matthias always said those words (you’re mine Layla) to reassure own self.

What is your opinion of this?

 

What a great discussion @mireimisty and @moonlight07 ! I'm happy we get to analyze this book together. I feel like we have been talking about this book for months and we are still unraveling the meaning.


Yes, I think Matthias was trying to resassure himself and/or under an illusion that Layla was "his" which readers may think that Matthias is being possessive to claim Layla but partners use that type of talk all the time with one another. This reminds me of the quote from GOT
"I AM HERS AND SHE IS MINE, FROM THIS DAY, UNTIL THE END OF MY DAYS." This is endearing versus toxic.


Matthias trapped by an illusion and Layla's tendency to engage in splitting is creating chaos for both of them. Here is an example of Layla splitting in Ch. 68. Which I'm not shaming or blaming Layla but to understand her emotions, thoughts and actions in the book.

1. "It doesn't have to be a big deal, she thought. It'll be like I fell from a tree and got hurt. Only, my injuries will, unfortunately be quite deep. but injuires eventually heal, and I'll be able to get up, brush myself off, and go on my way. No matter what."
2. "Yes, she thought. That's just the kind of person he is. He'll gladly ruin someone's life just to get what he wants. And he won't even feel bad about it. He'll use me for his amusement and then throw me away, like on of the birds that he shoots and then leaves for dead."

Layla has fear that Matthias will decide to abandon her like the birds Matthias shoots. Layla convinces herself that Matthias will abandon her and she refuses to let the abandonment harm her. Layla unconsciously creates a picture of Matthias being a villain so she will not be disappointed or hurt by him.


Ch. 22

1. "Of all people, why does it have to be that crazy guy?"
2. "I know he's cruel and uncaring, but how can he look at someone in danger and not seem the least bit concerned?"
3. "Seriously?"
4. "That's ridiculous. I don't want to hold still."

How can Matthias be cruel and uncaring? He was born in a privileged life and he is not rude or mailicious to his family or staff. What does Matthias do that is "crazy?" He likes to hunt, saves Layla from drowning, saves Layla from falling out of a tree. Do these actions account for crazy behavior? Personally, I do like Layla's high range of emotions because it does make the story more interesting.

Readers may feel anger or frustration with this book because if they overlook Layla's trauma of abandonment and her coping mechanism to manage her overwhelming emotions you miss the love and connection that Matthias and Layla have for one another.

 

Yes I truly agree I think he said this to reassure himself rather than a real 'statement'. Matthias knew deep down that Layla was not his. He used this to create an illusion and security inside himself.

And also, I agree with you! I personally think saying 'You are mine' is a common sentence you used between couples. When you reach certain security in a relationship, you used this as a sign of affection. For example, you used to say "My love" between couple. That is not a sign of obsession but rather affection.

As much as I got confused everytime I read Layla's narratives, I could understand how her deep trauma impacted her behaviour and responses to the nobles.

When you think about it, Layla's mom abandoned her to be a mistress for a rich family. She chose a life with a rich family as a mistress than to become a mom and live a simple life. This is truly heart-breaking. I could imagine, this is the source of strong-pride. As if she wanted to show her mom "Hey mom, I can become an outstanding adult without the help of the nobles!"

This is why she always felt 'humiliated' when she is with Matthias. But I believe the humiliation was directed to herself. She felt humiliated, that she fell in love with a person she should have hated 'the noble'. No wonder, she had to split to protect her heart. 'The nobles' is the reminder of how she got abandoned by her mom. 'The nobles' are the people she should have hated, yet she fell in love with Matthias.

Therefore, to save her heart from hurt, she pictured the worst picture of a villain on Matthias. A picture she wished to believe. Her illusion.

Isn't that so interesting how complex this story is written And yes, I am so glad that we all could discuss in a healthy manner.

 

What? No way! I don't remember Layla's Mom abandoned Layla to be a mistress for a noble family. Then that makes total sense why Layla had even higher splitting emotions towards being Matthias's mistress!

 

The Blue Candy
From “The Color of My Sadness” to “The Color of My Happiness”​

The blue candies given to Layla by her mother, was a symbol of abandonment and unkept promises. Layla’s mother gave a jar of full candies and promised to be back until she finished them, then abandoned Layla. Layla believed that her mother would keep promise, and ate candies with that hope, but as the candies dwindled, Layla realized that her mother would never return.

Initially seen as a source of hope, Layla later understood that it was actually the beginning of her misfortunes. The day Layla ate the last piece of candy became the day she was left entirely alone in the world.

Chaper.24
“To this day, she still vividly remembered the shiny, blue piece of candy.
…she had finally put the piece of candy in her mouth. She bit down on it hard, breaking it into shards that scraped against the tender inside of her mouth.
Soon the salty taste of blood mingled with the sweet flavor of the candy, but she kept crunching away at it, sobbing all the while. It was a sweet and salty sadness.”

For Layla it was a moment when the sweetness of the candy intertwined with a tingle of sorrow and longing.

Matthias’s crystal blue eyes always reminded Layla of her sorrowful past. As a result, her feelings toward Matthias were bittersweet, that she swallowed every time along with a shade of sadness.

Chapter.25
“As the sun continued to set, the upper skies turned a clear-blue color similar to that of the final piece of candy. She then realized that it was also the color of the duke’s eyes. Your eyes are the color of my sadness.”

As time passed, those eyes began to evoke in Layla another set of mixed and strange feelings.

Chapter.60
“They were the same blue eyes that she had seen countless times before, and yet now they felt different and unfamiliar.
They looked pure and innocent.”
​

In chapters.60-61 Matthias treated Layla’s wounds and gave her a bitter painkiller, right after he placed a piece of candy in Layla’s mouth. “…then after the candy had started to melt in her mouth, tears had started to trickle down from her eyes.
…he watched her holding the piece of candy in her mouth, neither spitting it out nor swallowing it.”

Throughout those times, Layla couldn't bring herself to either spit out or swallow the bittersweet candy, a reminder of her last glimmer of hope and sadness. It also implies that Layla couldn’t let go of her past and her memories of her mother.

Chapter.61
“Unsure what to do, he asked, “Are you still in pain?
She had nodded in response.
Not knowing what to say, he had simply hugged her.”

Layla was still in pain of recalling her traumatic childhood. Matthias was confused by the sight of Layla’s strange tears. Although she cried in sadness, Matthias couldn’t recognize the cause.

Chapter.141
“She had been reminded of the last piece of blue candy that she had saved from the jar her mother had given her, and how she cried so much as a little girl while finally eating it. As she lay in Matthias’s arms while he wiped away her tears, she felt like that little girl’s tears were finally being wiped away as well. Instead of tasting salty with blood, the candy was only sweet this time.”

It was the moment when Layla let go of her overwhelming feelings from her past. She had been trapped, consumed by sorrow like a crying little girl, but Matthias’s care helped fade away those hurtful memories and dried her tears. Now, she no longer felt trapped, her sadness had vanished, leaving peace in its place.

Chapter.147
“Blue was no longer the color of sadness to Layla. Now it was the color of greatest happiness she had ever known. This had been the case ever since Felix had first opened his eyes. Or rather, it had been the case since the first morning that she and Matthias had spent together, when they lain in bed, quietly gazing into each other’s eyes. Or perhaps it had been since even earlier than that.”

After all sadness had vanished, the place once had been fulfilled became empty. Soon, this emptiness was replaced by new unfamiliar feelings, turning the color of sadness into color of happiness. The same blue, which symbolized sufferings, now was portraying immense joy.

It's true that Layla's splitting caused her to devalue Matthias. It was also mentioned in the novel.

Chapter.141
"Her feelings towards him were like two sides of a coin. This had been true since she had first encountered him."

Here we can see the prove of her splitting, like two sides of a coin that can be turned at any moment. The same was with Layla, she always described him as "A beautiful but brutal nightmare", it was her conflicting feelings. All that time, she tried to avoid him, yet she couldn't help but find him charming.

 

Happy New Year!

Oh wow! A lengthy and weighty discussion indeed.

Guys, it's good to be brought together under the same interest however let's not allow our personal judgement to be catered solely to our own convenience of understanding. Let's leave some room for others to explore and exchange ideas, perceptions, opinions, and experiences, delving into the underlying context of the novel that shape our own respective viewpoints.

I personally don't see eye to eye in everything that was being discussed earlier but I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated that my opinion was not shot down. The people here have been responsive and understanding. You can present your points and analysis to back up your claim and that's fine but kindly be respectful towards one another. Let's keep that energy that way so that others can join in without the fear of being labelled negatively despite having huge differences of opinion and the way we view things.

At the end of the day, it's not worth bashing and insulting one another over a novel with imaginary events and characters.

@mireimisty
I just checked the Instagram account! I love the nobility hierarchy chart as I remembered googling it and gasped to see how wide the status gap between Layla and Matthias.

 

I think people get so passionate that they sometimes forget this fact. It's unfortunate but I think since the internet became an easily & readily accessible thing people have a hard time remembering that on the other side of the screen is a real life individual.

Personally, I have really enjoyed reading the discussion between you, @Spidey1Fan, & @moonlight07
I think all of you have made some very interesting observations and deductions that have logical reason to support the things being mentioned. And I don't think it was fair that all of you were being attacked by someone making surface assumptions about each of you. Personally I tend to be a silent watcher on most threads simply for the fact that a lot of the folks arguing usually seem very young in my eyes and it doesn't feel appropriate to argue with someone who may have limited life experience dissecting content intended for a mature mind. I cant remember who brought up the fact that the novel is meant as literary fiction(while a lifelong reader I hadnt recognized the term honestly, or at least as deeply as it was explained) and it made so much sense for the types of novels/books that I enjoy outside COBYB. This is coming from someone whose APLit final project was dissecting & analyzing A Clockwork Orange over a decade ago now. Lol
So anyways, before this tangent goes on too much further... just know its been really refreshing & appreciated to see actual discussion & analysis on one of these threads. Each one of you truly has brought value and perspective that even I hadnt considered before. And I've read through the novel twice(once when only the terrible/made up translation was available I can't remember who it was now & then again last summer after I found out how unreliable the 1st go was). Eventually when im better in Korean ill likely attempt to tackle it again but my skills just aren't up to par for that just yet

I really hope I'll get the chance to see all of y'all in future threads if our interests cross paths again.

 

You wrote such a great analysis on the Blue Candy! I LOVE IT!!!

Isn't it interesting that Layla's evolution of her emotions for the color blue parallels her emotions for Matthias? Such beautiful writing.




Layla had unconscious defense mechanism to cope with her abandonment trauma. She sees Matthias's blue eyes and defends her heart from sadness. Blue candy = sadness. Matthias blue eyes = sadness. Matthias is sadness because he is from a different world. A world that is unreachable for a commoner orphan. A man she can never truly have to her own therefore a high likeability to be abandoned. Layla doesn't want sadness of her Mom's abandonment relived again through Matthias. This is why Layla views Matthias as a villain. To protect her heart from disappointment and sadness. Objectively, I wondered why Layla's emotions were so intense, conflicted and high range around Matthias. But when you look closer to the metaphors it makes sense why Layla had negative emotions around Matthias. The narration of the story is not direct, literary fiction, so readers only see Layla's hatred for Matthias as a villain versus Layla's complex emotions of fear, love, shame and hate for Matthias. Forbidden love. Matthias and Layla are both in denial for their feelings towards each other.

I'm so excited to see ch. 61 illustrated! That chapter was such a defining moment for Layla and Matthias. Matthias does many kind acts for Layla in the book. Ch. 61 is one of my favorites.

 

How nice to see some others who are so kind here. (I have been a bit traumatised here for the last 2 months).

By the way, everyone. I found a song that fit Layla's complex hate-love feeling for Matthias!! Check it out!!
Its called: Hate You - Jong Kook



This is the lyric. Let me know if you think this fits them so well

I wish you went behind my back
And told me lies and stuff like that
I wish you kissed someone I know
And did the unforgivable
Maybe hatin' you's the only way it doesn't hurt
So I'm gonna hate you
I'm gonna hate you
Paint you like the villain that you never were
I'm gonna blame you
For things that you don't do
Hating you's the only way it doesn't hurt

We weren't perfect, but we came close
Until I put all of our pain under the microscope
And I still can't face it
I'm still in love, for what it's worth
Maybe hatin' you's the only way it doesn't hurt
So I'm gonna hate you
I'm gonna hate you
Paint you like the villain that you never were
I'm gonna blame you
For things that you don't do
Hatin' you's the only way it doesn't hurt
Ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh

It's not the truth
It's not the cure
But hatin' you's the only way it doesn't hurt

Doesn't this remind you of Chapter 142 when Layla said:
"I love you. I don't like you, in fact I hate you, but even so, I love you."

 

It was also our post as well. It is indeed literary fiction due to indirect narrations, characters' struggles, and the use of symbolisms and metaphors to convey complex ideas and emotions, enriching the novel. However, I do remember some members of this forum attacking us, claiming that our metaphorical posts were nonsense, all to defend Matthias. It was truly disheartening to witness literature being devalued by most readers.

 

THIS IS SO LAYLA!!!

Layla love/hates Matthias.

Thank you @EchoAndromeda for your kind words. I also feel refreshed to have a discussion and analysis of the book. I'm lucky to have @mireimisty and @moonlight07 who have helped me understand the book better. I also first read CEBIUB on a FTL. I didn't realize how poor the translation was until I read the official English translation on Yonder. Reading on Yonder, I felt like I was reading an entirely different story and I realized the writing style was literary fiction. Literary fiction can be a difficult read as the narrations can be misleading. Originally, I thought Matthias was toxic until I started to dissect the characters more after reading on Yonder. Reading on Yonder wasn't easy. I would get headaches reading one chapter multiple times to understand the deeper meaning and layered emotions. Matthias and Layla would give me a headache from their intense, conflicting emotions. I'm very new to reading Kwebnovels and manhwas so I'm assuming most readers are younglings who don't understand literary fiction style. I do like different opinions. I like to ask questions and people explain their opinions but people resort to insults. Sadly, younglings and even millennials don't want logical discussions and prefer to virtue signal or use ad hominem fallacies that is growing popular in the media and politics these days. We have lost the art of debate which is beautiful for critical thinking skills, communication, conflict resolution and educational benefits. I guess it's more hip to hate than to accept different opinions.

Have you read or seen "Where the Crawdads Sing?" I wish I read the book before the movie. The movie definitely gave me some CEBIUB vibes. The female lead was also abandoned as a child and has a relationship with two boys. A boy who was her childhood friend and the other she meets at a later age. The setting is a swamp which has a lot of metaphors just like Arvis. There are also animal metaphors. There are differences in the characters and story. Kya is strong and independent. IMO Layla is weak and depends on her Uncle for support.

 

Goodness, what a great analysis you have made! Thank you for writing this for us. I have nothing more to add on the "Blue Candy" metaphor. I truly think, this is one of the most beautiful moment in COBYB book. A sign of 'change' and 'healing'. Layla not only accepted her past, she also allowed someone to help her to heal. "Blue Candy" is also a proof of how all she truly felt for Matthias was LOVE.

That is probably why Solche 'hided' Layla's POV about the "Blue Candy" until really late in the novel, Chapter 142. Isn't that interesting? If Solche showed Layla's POV since the time the event happened, just like how we saw Matthias POV about the blue candy, we would all not be as confused. We then knew that her feeling had always been love! She just used hatred as a method to protect her self. She split and put the villain role for Matthias.

If only Solche revealed Layla's POV earlier, maybe we all would not fight as much? Reading COBYB, required you to remember all the details from the novel because the story was written with a non-linear timeline. I sometimes had to make a mental note while reading. LOL.

Thank you for saying this! Same here! I read COBYB first through FansTL and second in Yonder. It was like a total different story. I truly did not regret the decision to re-read the novel. Do you read other Solche's work??

LOL! Welcome back! It was quite story last week. Thank you for being open at all times! Analysing and discussing with you have been really nice too!

Hehe. yes. Isn't that crazy? Matthias is at the TOP of nobility (right below the royal family), and Layla is at the most BOTTOM. Yet, they defied it all and got married. Hope you have a great new year as well!

 

That is true that Matthias himself was reminder of her trauma. Not only his eyes were, also his high noble status was echo of her mother's action. Layla's mother abandoned and neglected her own daughter, choosing instead to become the mistress of a nobleman or even marrying a wealthy merchant. The fact that her mother chose wealth and nobility over her own daughter evoked a deep-seated hatred towards the nobility in Layla. That's why Matthias = Layla's sadness. She always had a defense mechanism that was essential for masking her insecurities, aiming to protect herself from further emotional harm.

The Blue Candy also represents Layla's trust issue, because her mother didn't kept her promise. However, in Chapter.60 Matthias also helped Layla overcome this issue by keeping his promise. That's why this chapter calls "I won't hurt you"

I'm really amazed by Solche's remarkable writing style, the single phrase "The Blue Candy" could show us readers development of Layla's feelings. From "color of my sadness" to "color of my happiness" this is the message for readers, that nothing is eternal—neither sadness nor happiness. In addition, here I want to add quote from another book "Happiness is fleeting".

Personally, I do think that Solche also conveyed the idea of 'fleeting' here. What was once painful can become a piece of our past. To move beyond it, we often have to confront that pain to get the happiness we desire.

Oh wow, this song is so LAYLA

By the way I'm one of their "veteran" fans

Oh, c'mon this is Solche she loves to torment readers. This novel is rollercoaster

I absolutely love this story for its chaos and twisting plot. I'm not sure if I mentioned it here before, but this is one of the few modern novels that has impressed me this much. Before this, the only modern book that left such an impact was 'The Midnight Rose' by Lucinda Riley, although it also had its historical context. Typically, I was impressed by classic literature.

 

I feel the same! I haven't been this engaged with a novel for a while. The characters are so realistic! No villains. Just real people with realistic actions for their historical setting. The non-linear and indirect storytelling makes perfect sense; in real life, our emotions and choices aren't always straightforward, unlike in books where they're often presented directly. Layla hasn't processed or understand her trauma. Layla doesn't share her trauma with Bill or Kyle. Layla ignores her past and pain. This is how some people deal with trauma in real life.

Why should only the readers understand her pain when the character doesn't understand her own pain? The writing is indirect and misleading because that's how Layla feels in the story.

I appreciate Matthias for deviating from the common trope of a super-sob background story. It's refreshing to see a character with a regular life rather than a tragic narrative.

Hehe, I love that quote, "happiness is fleeting" from Zade in "Hunting Adeline". I think if CEBIUB haters read Hunting Adeline they would get a heart attack.

As I age, I crave stories like CEBIUB. My values and beliefs have evolved with experience, just as my earlier fairy-tale notions about love have.

 

I agree with your point that there are no villains in this story. It's not about heroes, villains, or heroic exploits. That's why this book feels realistic, it allows you to deeply connect with the story and characters. Direct storytelling is often used to ensure easy comprehension for the audience, but I believe we're no longer just teenagers who might prefer minimalism. It's beneficial for our intellectual growth to delve into intricate storylines. Although nowadays, many people prefer light romances with its sweet aftertaste.

Layla was like a locked-down girl who couldn't express her inner feelings, wary of being abandoned or rejected. She tried to smile as brightly as she could in front of others due to her supposition that no one likes "crying orphans". However, she never tried to hide her tears in front of Matthias, even though he himself was the cause. The author perfectly described the feelings of a traumatized person, which affected me deeply.

Matthias also written in a realistic way, because not everyone has a traumatic or tragic past. Through Matthias's character we are able to see that perfection is not also good or even desirable. It has also own costs and difficulties.

Yes, that quote was from the book "Hunting Adeline". This book is definitely not everyone's cup of tea. It is very specific book, so I can't recommend it for everyone, especially who has no experience with the dark-romance genre. But the book really good and with intriguing and spicy plot.