Spoiler Cry, Even Better if you Beg

i love this song! Such a classic! ☺️
it truly explained Layla’s feeling

 

This song truly expressed how Layla thinking. She doesn't believe in love and felt loneliness. How she rejected the truth that she love Matthias because she didn't want to take the risk.

 

You made a great point!

In the main cover, Matthias and Layla gaze into each other's souls . However, not everyone experiences an elated soul. Both are vulnerable and tender inside, trapped in their respective childhoods. Layla remains trapped as a crying little girl, at the moment when her own mother had abandoned her. Matthias, on the other hand, found himself suddenly burdened with obligations, growing from a 12-year-old boy to the Duke of Arvis in a single day. Neither has experienced the feeling of being in love or being loved by parents. The illustration captures both love and pain simultaneously, with their gazes mesmerizing yet reflecting deep pain. To me, the main cover symbolizes a forbidden love with boundaries and anguish. Though, the tension and chemistry between them have always been incredibly high.

Aaaawwww, can't wait for today's update.

OMG! This song is perfectly describes Layla's POV throughout the entire story

By the way, I want to share COBYB playlist, you can enjoy anytime whenever you want.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpRO2WacLuNH8Xf0HLN6VSnh0f05I2b1t&si=FGczJCsH0BOFPZXE

This song is for all of us who love books and enjoy fictional worlds.

So do I, to be honest. The younger generation doesn't know how and with whom to make a deal, I guess.

 

I am a clinical psychologist and, no, Layla does not have BPD. It doesn't fit. Personality pathology is pervasive across situations. Layla is responding to abusive behavior. Additionally, PTSD can have symptoms that resemble BPD like emotional, behavioral and interpersonal dysregulation. Layla's behavior and coping can be explained by trauma, you would have to first rule that out even if you were to consider diagnosing her (but, to be clear, I don't think we can say that her behavior in response to a man who is abusing her, regardless of his motivations, is necessarily pathological).

Also, personality is on a spectrum. Someone can have borderline or narcissistic traits or style without meeting criteria for the disorder. Again, though, I wouldn't even say that Layla has borderline traits.

There is far more to mental health diagnosis than simply checking off DSM-5 or ICD criteria.

 

Thank you for sharing, with your professional sights!

As mentioned in my previous post, it started as a fan theory. We then shared our opinion/theory with a clinical psychologist who approved it. Below, I will attach the discussion between us and the psychologist.

Person: So do you think, does Layla have BPD symptoms?

Psychologist: After looking at her past traumas and her reactions to Matthias, it is quite clear that these are BPD symptoms. Her actions towards Matthias made the symptoms very clear because she ‘hated’ Matthias so much and saw him in the worst light.

Even though if you look deeper from the storyline, Layla doesn’t know Matthias that much yet.

Also, when she stayed with uncle Bill, you could see Layla had a lot of fears.

Person: So, is there a way to do therapy for BPD patients? can they heal?

Psychologist: Yes its possible. But the therapy process need to be followed-up because this is related to emotion and behaviour.

Now, we are also confused at first, but indeed, we saw some symptoms that we thought to be similar to BPD. However, these are all only fan theories. Only the author knows the real truth. The main reason for our analysis is to understand the development of each character in the novel, which could lead them to certain actions and behaviors. We never thought of Layla as a villain, simply because she probably has certain mental illnesses. However, understanding this has helped us read the narratives better.

May I ask, are you open for discussions? If yes, we have some questions. Please let me know as soon as possible

 

Hello! I find your post very interesting. Yes you have a point when you said that Layla is responding to abusive behavior (if you talk bout her childhood trauma experiences, cuz if you referring that Matthias developes her traumas, then I can't agree with it). If the character has BPD is a theory based on analysis from her childhood. Of course I'm not trying to diagnose her, I only did this because she's a fictional character.

Why is very probable that Layla has BPD?

Well, as you know, according to the DSM-5, Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and emotions. This mental condition has multifactorial development, some risk factors could be:

••Genetic.
••Early life experiences as:
Trauma, neglect, abuse (physical and emotional), inconsistent of caregiving, invalidating and insecure environments, family instability.
••Neurobiological factors.

Layla has high risk to develop BPD cuz her childhood experiences could be aligned with this condition factors.

Genetic factor: The fact that her father couldn't manage the abandonment of his wife and develop depression instead of take care of his daughter, could have source in genetic, since we haven't his history we couldn't attribute his reaction absolutely to gene source, but he was a loving, kind father, before the abandonment. So, the probabilities of unestable coping abilities from past traumas decreed significantly. We can't discard that the genetic factor in Layla's resilience could be inherited from her father.

Early life experiences:
As you read it, Layla experiments a lot of traumatic experiences as:
•Abandonment.
•Rejection.
•Betrayal.
•Neglect.
•Witness of parental depresive behavior.
•Bereaved.
•Physical Assault.
•Humiliation/Denigrating.
•Near-death experience.

Inconsistent of caregiving: After her mom abandonment, she experiments a inconsistent type of caregiving. Her father and relative's posterior contributions weren't consistent in her heal of traumas or even in her daily emotional and physical necessities.

Invalidating and insecure environments: She was raised in an environment where her emotional expression was invalidated and dismissed.

Family instability: She experimented many family disruptions such as parental separation, significant loss, frequent moves and family conflicts.

Neurobiological factor: Emotional and physical traumas could affect her neurobiological process that influence the structure and function of the brain in zones as: Hippocampus, amygdala, prefrontal cortex, neurotransmitter systems and HPA Axis. She experimented both types of trauma.

All this was lived in Lovita, so, when she arrives to Arvis she already had developed her coping mechanism in function of all those experiences.

Indeed her behavior is a response of her traumas, but this traumas wasn't developed by Matthias.

What do you think?

 

I believe Layla's behavior is rooted in her childhood trauma rather than being solely a response to Matthias. Her reactions appear highly emotional and exaggerated, such as when Matthias threw Layla's hat out of the window, leading her to irrationally put her life at risk by entering moving water without knowing how to swim. Another instance is Matthias stepping on Layla's coin (GASP), eliciting a response from Layla characterized by a feeling of emptiness.


I don't see Matthias as an abuser. Morally gray, yes. There's a difference between intent and impact. Matthias doesn't deliberately cause harm to Layla and consistently shows affectionate and caring moments. He keeps promises, like not shooting Phoebe, and attends to Layla's wounds from the car accident. He comforts Layla when she cries from sight of the candy (trigger response of her Mom's abandonment)(My favorite chapter when Matthias comforts Layla). Matthias allows Layla's students to use his private cabin, takes her on dates, buys her gifts, and refrains from hunting birds in Arvis. He doesn't insult, threaten, shout or use coercive tactics.

There's no evidence of Matthias abusing his Mother, Grandmother, fiancée, or cousin. He's a gentleman to his staff. His actions, such as moving Bill's grave to Arvis, helping Layla return to college, and granting her freedom in Arvis, don't align with abusive behavior. Matthias actively protects Layla from other nobles, encourages her independence, and fosters a supportive environment. This doesn't add up Matthias to be an abuser.

I like this song! Thanks for the share. The playlist is solid. Great playlist.


Layla ignited Matthias's playful gestures which he suppressed as a Duke.

 

Exactly!

I just re-read Chapter 95, and in that chapter, it says:

"After putting on his suit jacket and overcoat, he sat back down on the edge of the bed, then pulled up the covers for her and tucked her in. She held her breath as she looked at him. He did the same as he looked back at her. Meanwhile, dawn broke, and the room was flooded with bluish light. Now it was it really was time for him to leave"

In this chapter, you can feel the intensity of emotions between Matthias and Layla. They literally ignited each other, and I would say, in this chapter, we can witness their dance between "Anger, Denial, Hate, Love, Passion," all intensely high. It started from a mere lie, but as the saying goes, "the truth lies at the bottom of a well-meaning"

"As she lay in his inescapable embrace, she started sobbing like a small child. She felt like she was in a strange sort of prison. It was chilling and yet somehow cozy. She had never experienced this sort of peace and tranquility in her life."

Matthias always comforted Layla, and with his presence, he brought her a sense of tranquility. If you paid attention, Layla always cried in his embrace, like a child. She never dared to show her anger, sadness, or tears in front of Uncle Bill or Kyle either. The only person who witnessed the true self of Layla was Matthias alone.

To me, the chapter.95 is about the undeniable truth that both characters failed to realize and the complexity of their relationships. Despite their anger that night, the air was fulfilled with passion. Their truths were concealed in shadows, dispersing each time the light arrived. Matthias and Layla's love and relationship is often described as shadows, beginning in the night and ending at dawn. The societal gap between them and their environmental circumstances pushed them into shadows filled with fears and doubts, which they both acknowledged but hesitated to bring into the light. It took them a long way to unravel the real truths hidden in their hearts.

I totally agree with you!

Layla's response was a reflection of her childhood traumas. Matthias, in this case, served as a trigger rather than the cause of her traumas. Unknowingly, Layla projected her biggest trauma, fear of abandonment onto him.

Chapter.8
“When she was young, his eyes had reminded her of blue marbles, and she had once imagined them knocking against each other and making a crisp clinking noise. As this childish thought flashed back into her mind, she felt even more distant from the duke.”

For Layla, the color blue symbolized profound sadness that began after her mother had abandoned her. Layla's mother abandoned and neglected own daughter, choosing instead to become a mistress of the nobleman. The fact that Layla's mother chose wealth over her own daughter evoked despise and hatred in Layla towards nobility.

How ironic, when Layla had arrived at Arvis she came face-to-face with candy blue eyed an influential and wealthy nobleman!
Trauma mixed with hatred, the feeling was provoked by Matthias. Hence, Matthias served as a trigger. I don't think that Matthias has ever traumatized Layla.

 

Wow it seems like we have a lot of good discussion going on here, while I am stuck at crazy work life

I agree to the notion that Layla's responses were the result of her traumas. But I do not agree that the trauma came from Matthias.
Yet, the trauma actually came from her childhood abandonment.

Layla's biggest fears are:
1. To be abandoned
2. Being lonely.
3. Broken promises

Why would she feel that way? It is because she was abandoned by her own mother. Her dad didn't manage to fulfill his promise. And she was constantly passed between relatives. This is why I believe she built a coping mechanism to protect her heart from being hurt by 'hating' Matthias. Putting him on the worst light allowed her to have reasons to hate him. Since the book is written 90% from her POV, hence it is not weird that we think Matthias 'hurt' Layla. Because this is the narrative she wanted to believe inside herself.

These are narratives from Layla in the book relating to her 'hatred' for Matthias:
"She wanted to hate him. She enjoyed hating him"
"I wish he would hurry up and come back, she thought. So that I can just feel hatred towards him, and stop feeling so sad and lonely."
"She would have preferred it if he had simply said something cruel to her. That was the Duke Herhardt she knew - a frightening, imposing, despicable man."
"She thought back to the snowy winter night when she had decided to hate the duke. If she had known how cumbersome it was to harbor hate, she might have reconsidered her decision."

As you could see, her hatred is an active decision rather than a result from certain experiences. In fact, we already see the first dislike response from Layla ever-since the coin scene when they haven't even have any contact with each other.

Why would she feel this way? Because this is the only way she hided her feeling because she felt her feeling is impossible.

That is why in her confession, she said:
"And yet, for all that, it was still love. He loved her, and she loved him. This had been TRUE through all their time together."

And this is the most interesting part. she also said this narrative proving that her biggest fear is to be abandoned:
"Don't discard me," She whispered.
Her tears started flowing again. If he can't do it, what will I do?

I personally think this is an interesting confession. She showed her biggest fear to Matthias, she was scared of being discarded again. Why would she said this to her abuser? I don't find a logical reasoning to say this to your abuser.

But it sounds more logical if Layla said this because she loved him, a man that supposed to be unattainable in her life. Someone that she was scared to accept in her heart due to their large differences in status.

What do you guys think of this theory?

 

Layla always loved Matthias, but she couldn't bring herself to accept or admit it. As you mentioned, she knew that her love for Matthias was impossible due to their completely different life conditions and societal statuses, instilling doubts in both Layla and Matthias. Moreover, Matthias's engagement twisted Layla's feelings even more. The realization that Layla felt the feelings she shouldn't have was unbearable. Hence, she decided to hate him. In doing so, she tried to deny her own feelings to cut off her shadow. Here Layla's POV: 'If I can't love you, I will hate you instead.' Nevertheless, her feelings have always been described as two sides of the one coin.

"It was never lie. Even when I said it before, when I thought I was fooling you, I was just fooling myself. It was the truth. I hated you more than I could bear. And yet, as much I hated you, I loved you an equal amount. I still do."

"It was love. Perhaps she had already known this. Perhaps she had realized it deep down inside of her, on that beautiful afternoon when she had stood on the Sienne beach, when he had finally made it through hell to find her."

"As much as she hated him, she had felt very safe and cozy in his warm arms as he had clumsily tried to comfort her. She hadn't been able to believe that she was feeling so comfortable. The shame of this realization had made her cry even harder."

Layla always ashamed of her own feelings, tried to run away from Matthias, the cause of her shameful feelings, yet she always waited for him to find her. Deep down inside, she knew that Matthias would always find her and knowing that she kept running. During wartime when Matthias went through hell just to find her, it brought her a sense relief. But Layla wasn't ready to accept him whole-heartedly because she believed that Matthias was already married to Claudine. Layla wanted Matthias to belong to her alone. That's why she said: "You're not mine", Matthias belonged to another woman and to a noble world to which Layla hadn't belonged until the war came to the end, bringing change to everything. Eventually, Layla accepted a free Matthias. That is a logic answer, why did Layla accept Matthias, because she loved him, he loved her back. Matthias wasn't engaged anymore i.e he wouldn't abandon her, Matthias promised to come back her and kept his promise.

 

By the way! Would like to inform that the next chapter update is on the 30th of January instead of yesterday.

I am honestly glad that she took a slight break to recover. This shows the commitment Van J has to deliver the best.

Lets support Van J

Also, I have been wondering if any of you are new to the forum? Welcome!

 

I hope she gets better and recover. Many fans who supporting and waiting for her comeback.

 

This spoiler isn't mine

The wedding was approaching, and it seemed that the opinions of the nobles were divided. Some viewed the duke's decision to marry a commoner orphan and have a child with her as a betrayal and insult. They even threatened to boycott the wedding in protest. However, it was later revealed that only a select few would be invited, leaving the rest feeling excluded. The couple had returned to Arbis for their wedding, and Leila couldn't help but reflect on how different her life had become. She had to adjust her way of walking, thinking, speaking, and acting to fit into the duke's world. In the duchess's room, she felt the presence of the past women in the portraits, making her slightly uneasy. One night, she heard a noise and was surprised to find the duke in the adjoining room. Despite their impending marriage, they were following etiquette and sleeping in separate rooms. However, Matthias often left before dawn, and Leila expressed her fears to him. He reassured her and promised to protect her. Matthias's mother and grandmother quickly grew fond of Felix, as he resembled their beloved duke. They even agreed to Matthias moving to Ratz as long as Felix would spend some time in Arbis each year. Matthias understood that Leila would never be fully accepted by the noble ladies, so he planned to reject them first rather than face rejection himself. Despite the opposition from the nobles, Matthias aimed to make his family name even more successful. The wedding took place in a beautiful garden on a sunny day, with the scent of flowers filling the air. The nobles eagerly awaited an invitation to Leila's debut, but it never arrived. To their surprise, Leila and Matthias had decided to live in Ratz instead of going on a honeymoon. Leila had plans to attend college there in the fall. The nobles considered the duke to be eccentric for his choices. Leila's class ended early, and she planned to meet Felix by the fountain with the nanny. However, she was pleasantly surprised to find Matthias there as well. He had finished his meeting early. Leila invited him to join them, promising to buy him ice cream. Matthias held Felix and wrapped his hand around Leila's. Claudine visited Riet's grave to confess her love for him and bid him farewell. She was now engaged to someone else. The couple and their child enjoyed a leisurely walk in the park. The duke's servant felt a sense of discontent, aware of Matthias's actions earlier that morning. The nobles couldn't openly express their rebellion and insults towards the duke, so they attacked his weakness, which was Leila. Count Stein took the lead in insulting her, but soon faced financial ruin. His tobacco company, which supported other businesses, collapsed. This was the result of Matthias's actions during the meeting. Despite his questionable behavior, Matthias didn't seem like a cruel man as he took a bite of Leila's ice cream. They found shade under a tree, and Matthias expressed his fatigue. Leila asked about his day, and he simply replied with "something." Matthias recalled how Count Stein had openly reproached Leila and their child at a party. In response, he directly threatened the Count's business, and the nobles were well aware of it. Matthias opened his eyes and saw Leila looking at him. He claimed to feel unwell, and Leila gently suggested that he rest. She tenderly touched his cheek. Matthias knew how to use his vulnerabilities to his advantage, especially when Leila showed her concern for him. He even found solace in the scars on his body. Leila's worries and struggles to fit into the social circle amused him. During those moments, it felt like Leila's world revolved around him, and he cherished that. Seeing Felix clinging to Leila's neck after he fell while running in the park, Matthias couldn't help but reflect on how unrealistic it was to think that he had once wanted to kill the child. However, he had quickly fallen in love with Felix the moment he saw the resemblance to Leila. Leila mentioned making something delicious for dinner, despite being a duchess who often found herself in the kitchen. Matthias despised keeping up appearances and putting pressure on Leila. He admired her for returning to him, forgiving him, and loving him. He wanted to create a space where she could be the freest and most beautiful version of herself. He loved his heavenly Leila. On the way home in the carriage, Leila remembered their upcoming visit to the imperial palace. She expressed her worries to Matthias, but he assured her that everyone would be kind to her. Leila rarely discussed the challenges she faced with Matthias, as she was too proud to admit them. However, Matthias couldn't bear to see her hurt. He was determined to change the story if it meant protecting her. As they arrived home, Matthias carried a sleeping Felix out of the carriage. After attending the imperial party, they found themselves in the carriage on their way home. Leila wondered if the duke's words of consolation were genuine. Surprisingly, the empress's birthday celebration had been easier than she expected. Instead of being ignored or treated indifferently, she received simple kindness and small talk. Leila questioned Matthias about his earlier statement of everyone being kind. Matthias laughed and confessed that it was just a common encouragement. Leila couldn't help but feel suspicious of his nonchalant attitude. Spring arrived, and the couple planned a weekend trip alone while Felix stayed with his grandparents. Matthias's mother noticed that Leila always wore the same necklace and commented on Matthias being stingy towards his wife. Matthias explained that he had personally chosen the necklace for Leila. Leila later thanked him for covering up the fact that the necklace was a precious gift from her uncle Bill, who was actually Matthias himself. Towards the end of their wedding, Matthias had promised to be Leila's sky so she could freely soar as long as she didn't leave him. That night, Leila learned the true meaning behind his words. They would be moving to Ratz, and she would have the opportunity to attend college. Leila asked how he managed to get her into college, and Matthias simply replied that he would do anything for her. He admitted that his dogmatic decision-making without seeking consolation embarrassed him, but Leila understood his intentions. She knew that it was an expression of his love and his desire to mend the wings he had broken. Despite the initial transactional nature of their relationship, Matthias had grown to love Felix immensely. Leila could now look at him without harboring any hatred. As they walked together in the park during their trip, Matthias gazed at Leila with deep affection. She was the woman he had desired to possess, even though he knew he could never truly have her. He had once destroyed her, consumed by his distorted desires. Now, he had her completely. Leila asked if there was anything else he desired, acknowledging that he had already given her so much. Matthias replied that he had no other longings in his life besides her. Leila jokingly remarked that she was the one being greedy, but Matthias assured her that she could be as greedy as she wanted. Then she asked if he wanted a daughter who looked like her. Matthias looked at Leila with a mixture of curiosity and interest, imagining a child who resembled her. He longed to pour his love into the lonely child she once was. However, he ultimately stated that he already had her. Leila found his response strange but took it as a sweet confession. She asked him to hold out his hand, and they entwined their fingers. Leila found herself talking more than usual, and Matthias laughed more than usual. It was an ordinary moment, yet incredibly special. It was the start of a spring filled with love that would endure for a lifetime

 

Hello! Thanks for sharing. I believe this spoiler is not from official translation. Because in the official, her name is not Leila
Try to read in Yonder to get the best experience

Btw everyone! I found another song that fits Layla's feeling for Matthias! Its called "Hate you":



Lyrics:
I don't wanna leave your number in my phone
I don’t wanna think about you when I'm all alone
I don't want my clothes to smell like your cologne
At least that’s what I tell myself

[Pre-Chorus]
Human nature always got me fantasizing
Grass is always greener on the other side and
Maybe I should chalk it up to shitty timing
Maybe I should quit romanticizing

[Chorus]
I can't kiss you goodbye, can't stay overnight
It only gets worse the harder I try to forget ya
Since I met ya, I knew you would ruin my life
So I say you're ugly, pretend you're the worst
And act like we're nothing and we nevеr were
I wanna feel something, so baby, I guess
If I can't love you, I'll hate you instead

[Verse 2]
I don’t wanna have a drink when I’m beside you
'Cause I don’t wanna lose myself and start to like you
Kinda wanna f**k you, kinda wanna fight you
'Cause I can't have you to myself

[Pre-Chorus]
Human nature always got me fantasizing
Grass is always greener on the other side and
Maybe I should chalk it up to shitty timing
Maybe I should quit romanticizing

[Chorus]
I can't kiss you goodbye, can’t stay overnight
It only gets worse the harder I try to forget ya
Since I met ya, I knew you would ruin my life
So I say you're ugly, pretend you're the worst
And act like we're nothing and we never were
I wanna feel something, so baby, I guess
If I can't love you, I'll hate you instead

[Post-Chorus]
If I can't love you, I'll hate you instead
If I can't love you, I'll hate you

[Chorus]
I can't kiss you goodbye, can't stay overnight
It only gets worse the harder I try to forget ya
Since I met ya, I knew you would ruin my life
So I say you're ugly, pretend you're the worst
And act like we're nothing and we never were
I wanna feel something, so baby, I guess
If I can't love you, I'll hate you instead

 

SPLISH SPLASH

 

The way

Perfect song for Layla.
When you think your love is impossible and you don't want to be hurt. Finally you make a decision to hate someone you loved. But the more you try to hate and hurt the people you love, the more you get hurt. Because love and hate are strong feelings that you only feel for people who really matter and important.
That's why Layla felt both love and hate to Matthias. Because Matthias is very important to her.

I remember manhwa Mystique from Van J. But the difference is, Mystique comes from a marble that turns into a beautiful woman. River gets lucky to find that marble in his bathroom. And he gets a beautiful girlfriend.

 

Spoiler: 0.o

 

Perfectly matches Layla's POV

"If I can't love you, I'll hate you instead"

Thank you for sharing the song, I will add it to COBYB vibe playlist

Heavens!!!

Where to buy? I also want "grow Matthias"

 

Hahaha! We need Riette's version too!!! How I wish that Solche and VanJ release COBYB merchandise!! ✨ If this happens, what type of merchandise would you like to see guys? Personally I'm wishing for physical version of the novel and some bookmarks with the characters. Probably is far to be real but let's dream.

 

I would love to have COBYB merch, I want photo cards and perhaps a phone case featuring artwork of Arvis forests or Shulter river at night. Personally, I prefer the Kindle edition of the novel COBYB, but I wouldn't mind to buy a hardcover if available.

I like these artworks and want to share another ones, I think Uncle Bill's fans will enjoy!