Request How to persuade a mother who insists you to study locally?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Sawanara murasaki, Nov 22, 2021.

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  1. Sawanara murasaki

    Sawanara murasaki Sawa the HEro-sensei

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    So it isn’t like I’m mad or what but I’m a bit upset and kinda disappointed cause mother told me to study locally when I’ve been dreaming to study abroad since i was very2 young. Yes, to study abroad is part of my biggest dream that I’ve been striven for my whole life. I tried my best to study and decided to retake again next year so i can study abroad but mother is so against it. She also encourages me to not retake the exam but since father says ok, she just accepts my decision. She hardly refutes father though.

    About my father, hmm, he’s ok with every decisions made so he is like do whatever you want as long as you think they’re good for you but he recommends me to take engineering courses though and he will be more than glad if he knew that I want to apply for scholarships. I wish mother has the same mind set.

    I don’t want to argue with mother and so on. I even told her that she will be the one who will share the glory and she will be the one who will gladly shout out to people about one of her children achievement and yet, why is she so against it? I know she wants me to study locally so she can see me within a month or even weeks but, studying abroad is part of my dream. I studied and work harder just to study abroad, *sigh*.

    Enough with ranting i hope citizens here can help to figure out how to persuade her positively. I’m stubborn at the same time.
     
  2. IrregularPerson

    IrregularPerson Well-Known Member

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    You can calmly ask why she is against it, and slip in some "I care for you and I want to understand you". I don't know the personalities of either of you or your mom but I feel empathy. To be honest the only reason why I got through to my mother, not about moving- was that she admitted that she wasn't as locally educated (I am a 2nd generation immigrant) as me. Though I'm heaped with a bunch of emotional "responsibility" that it's almost suffocating.
    But if they think they care for you, then bring it up in a "calm and educated" discussion. Don't promote why it's good and take it slow, cause apparently saying why it's good is equal to saying that they're wrong. No clue what goes through their head.
     
  3. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    Most parents would miss their kids. Your mother is the same. This will be hard to hear, but you need to stop living your life for others. This is your life. If you go with what your mother wants. You will regret it for the rest of your life. This is your dream. Pursue it with every fiber of your being. Find happiness. Most parents want this for their child. What I would say to my mom, but personally I’d just do it and not worry about it. Until after I get there. Lol.
    “ Mom, I need to have a talk with you. Do you have a moment? It’s very important. Mother was there a moment in your past where you regret not pursuing your dreams? I am in that moment. You’ve know since I was young. That I was working hard for this dream of mine. I don’t want to resent you for crushing my dreams, but this regret will be link to how I will see our relationship. It will be tinted. Please. Guide me as you have always done. With love, encouragement and understanding. I need to do this. It would be amazing if you could help me achieve my dreams. And be the defining person in my dreams. Mom please help me.”
    At least that’s what I would say. Good luck
     
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  4. Goblin Sleuth

    Goblin Sleuth Well-Known Member

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    This is your dream, and it is your life. Your mother probably believes she is doing what is best for you, but she probably still sees you as a child. You can give up on your dream to keep your mother happy, but it will create resentment as it means giving up on a dream you've had since childhood. On the other hand if you go abroad despite her wishes she may be upset, but it will show that you are an adult now, and can make your own decisions. Maybe you can do something to assuage her fears, like showing her some nice pictures of where you want to go.
     
  5. Ai chan

    Ai chan Queen of Yuri, Devourer of Traps, Thrusted Witch

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    If it's Ai-chan, Ai-chan would've sided with your mother. It's not because we're both women, but Ai-chan wouldn't trust you to be able to handle yourself out in the wilds, especially if Ai-chan has been sheltering you from the dangers and corruption you'd see without Ai-chan's constant supervision.

    You're probably thinking, "The west have so much awesome things! So many beautiful women! Maybe I can finally lose my virginity, after all, westerners are loose with sex!" But that's exactly why Ai-chan wouldn't let you go. The fear that you would not be able to cope in a country where you have zero support would scare Ai-chan a great deal. It would be different if you have an older relative there who could check up on you from time to time, and set you straight, but even that would still put some fear into Ai-chan.

    Ai-chan's cousin came back with AIDS. And Ai-chan's best friend came home without a degree but acquired weed and heroin addiction. So Ai-chan has met people who went wild over in the west due to the laxed environment. Sure, they are a minority and millions of people came home without major issues, but there is a good chance that you could be in that minority, especially if you've lived a sheltered upbringing.

    Besides, the quality of education outside may not even be all that much better. Unless you managed to get into CalTech, MIT, Todai or Waseda, your education at home is probably just as good. There are only two reasons why you'd want to go to these inferior overseas universities, and that is either scholarship or to experience a different kind of learning environment.

    If you really truly want to go study abroad, assume that Ai-chan is your mother. Convince Ai-chan to let you go. Heck, Ai-chan is probably even your mother in real life. Truth or hoax, you decide.
     
  6. shirsong

    shirsong Well-Known Member

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    Well, what about compromise? You will start studying in tour own country and while studying will try for student exchange? That way you will do both.
    Btw I see my family every weeknd and it's still not the easiest being away from home.
     
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  7. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    @Ai chan has a point. Depending where your going. Most likely their won’t be any support and a chance that you could fall into the wrong crowd.
    Maybe you could ask the NovelUpdate forum if anyone lives in the area. Than at least you’ll have someone there that could be your backup or something.
    I’m not sure what’s your plan. Are you planning to stay with a foreign family or stay at the dorms? Whatever the case take what @Ai chan has said to heart. We worry and care about you
     
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  8. Sawanara murasaki

    Sawanara murasaki Sawa the HEro-sensei

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    About residential, any scholarship students of our citizens usually have a house in any country, for example England, prepared by the government for them to live in so i worry less.
     
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  9. Cutter Masterson

    Cutter Masterson Well-Known Super-Soldier

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    I believe there are a few from England here, but than again. England is huge. Still be careful out there
     
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