How to properly start a story with you exiting a womb?

Please do not report to mods for the title.

No vore is involved.

I am writing a story, had to scrap everything, not much as I only have a prologue and two chapters. So after looking at the prologue that i wrote a month ago and the disdain that I wrote to myself in a note. I would like to scrap the crap entirely. Below is the prologue, beware of expletives.

Spoiler: Prologue, the first few lines

A bright light burns through my closed eyelids, a very strange sensation because I sleep in the basement and the only light I have was the old fluorescent ceiling light which burned itself out two nights ago.


Following that, sharp pains in my butt cheeks with slapping noise reverberating behind me, my eyes shoot open as I speak like a gentleman.


“Who the motherfucker is slapping me bitch!!?!?”


Sadly, the noise I can make are bawling noises with tears flowing out of my eyes. And there I was, staring with tear-stained face, looking at a brunette lady whom my umbilical cord still attached to. And that is how I know I got transported to another world, or I am in an unbirth play which I have no recollection of.


Lying in a crib, properly washed and snuggled. I now consolidate the things observed. First, I have a brunette hot mother who looks like she is in her late twenties, 9/10 would stalk on Facebook. Nice.


Second, I have being reincarnated, probably died in my sleep last night, a good way to go I guess. My previous life? Let's just forget about it and be like Rudy boy and get some second chance going!


Third, the room I am currently in does not show much, just a simple bedroom and a bed. I blame my lack of spatial awareness due to baby body, this form is so constricting!


-Inserting inappropriate author’s notes as this somehow breaks the immersion of readers-

*Saluting the writers who can write proper entrance*

“Because I sure as shit can’t.”

-end note-

Do advise as I may had written this on a whim and high on cough syrup.

 

Oof... it’s decent I guess
By the way, it’s prologue, prolugue sounds like an insect xd

 

It is quite good actually, but I think, it could use some development here and there, and considering the language you are using and the example of Rudy (of course if I am assuming correctly ) tag it as 18+ (and try to keep away from incest please, I believe that didn't go well for Rudy ).
Well, good luck

 

You might want to consider skipping the birthing process altogether, or making their consciousness and awareness of what is happening brief scenes describing darkness or dull sounds followed by a sudden shock as the womb constricts upon them. Maybe make a mention on how their bed was getting slowly cramped or something. The slap to the hinny definetly needs some work because if you were going for comedy then you fell short due to poor execution. Maybe a beta would be able to reword it for you better.

But yeah, skipping the birthing process and having them slowly come to awareness around their third birthday would probably be more realistic and easier to write.

Edit: Also babies can't really see all that well when born, so unless it's magic and different world different body bs, you might want to consider that and how it would affect your character. There's a lot of time skipping without really indicating how it's being skipped. Is he falling asleep? Or is stuff just happening so fast that hr has literallt no idea what's going on until he's stationery? A combination? Either way, I think it would benefit from some extra information and details or something lol.

 

As funny as it gets, this story steers far from R18, more on MC getting shit on due to being talentless. Sex scenes will be rare. MC getting pwned by everyone is high, think Randidly, except MC does not get better.

 

Reincarnated to be a punching bag, that original in a way I guess

 

Yeah, so assume babies cannot see well, get hold by big hands, get slapped on the ass, and slowly adjust to surrounding. Ok.

 

Even better, gain limited groundhog ability, still get pwned everywhere he goes.

At the end finally becoming a legendary swordmaster, a god found him out, torture his body and soul, before throwing him into 9999 hells for "cheating", the god who used MC also shits on him in the end.

Basically, this story is about a poor sod who gets reincarnated with no cheats, gains one and gets punished for it.

 

Well is there a particular reason that the story has to start with birth? Reincarnators inhabiting babies stories usually have egregious timeskips anyway because nobody wants to read 10 chapters of a 2 month old learning about the world.

Doesn't have to be "kid goes outside to play, drowns, zippidy zap MC takes over the body", the consciousness could lay dormant until the baby's brain starts getting higher functions. Or the memories are locked until he takes a bonk on the head to cross the right signals, gets triggered by a dangerous situation, seeing something familiar, or seeing something so foreign to his previous life that his memory clicks into a "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?" moment.

 

A novel with a twist compared to those with a similar concept
This might work or not depedning on how you link each character's plot and the novel's general idea and of course the story's development, if I am to tell you my honest opinion here, if you know how to build your story you might end up with an excellent work that surpasses the others (assuming you don't screw up midway in the story ) or you might make something you might regret and readers will curse you for it
The risk is high with that kind of plot, just be careful mate

 

Probably because MC is a terrible baby and everyone noticed. At 3 yo, people called him out for it.

Reincarnators are generally known by the public, many frowned upon it.

 

Kinda the reason why I don't dare to even create any writing site account to start posting. I will only post the story after I am done or written sufficient amount of chapters.

 

Yeah, play it safe

 

Time passed in a blink of an eye...

 

My advice to anyone writing about babies is to read a little about the baby's brain development. Like keep in mind they can't even see clearly at first, their motor function is developing slowly over a year, their tummies constantly hurt (okay, that's more about the stomach flora than the brain lol), and so on. Here's a read: http://www.urbanchildinstitute.org/why-0-3/baby-and-brain If you're impatient about reading the whole article and only want to see the part about the brain development, scroll down to From Conception to Age Three: An Outline of Early Brain Development. Cheers.

 

[And that is how I know I got transported to another world, or I am in an unbirth play which I have no recollection of.]
The second option aside, the first option is too much out there, and sudden.
It is more likely to be "reincarnation" rather than "Isekai transfer".
There is not enough info or details for him to conclude he is in another world yet.
I mean, it is possible he was reincarnated in his own world, or in the past.
These types of unrealistic realizations are common mistakes of rookie writers in the isekai genre.

 

Only ways that I can think of that would not be so gore would be either a cocoon birth(Haibane Renmei except the whole sprouting wings that is after the birth) or artificial womb.

 

JP sometimes goes with "a warmth that envelops me" and "a blinding light" when coming out which causes the child to cry out.
Sometimes there is sounds from outside being heard along with it.

As for anything else, I have no idea.

 

Your focus of attention is oddly off... both for a generic newborn and for a self-aware newly dead millenial geek

...OOOH BOOBIES should be a focal point of existence. Surely more overwhelmingly so than the age and milfiness of mama's face.

 

No no no. Let me go copy @LysUltima 's template.

Good lord more studying.... ok.

Actually I kinda did flesh out further in bottom half of the prologue but I did not paste here. It is the questioning the MC gave that drove the final nail into the coffin that he is a reincarnator.

We all have preference, and frankly, I am not writing a smut novel and more of a masochistic MC novel, where everything in the world screws and the cake at the end is a major lie.